Aaah its autumn. We all know what that means – a return to school. At last, my sleepy university town is repopulated, I have people to lunch with, to talk to and to party with, and loads of good intentions about how great my last university year is going to be.

Alas, but for the freshers flu.

Term has re-started, and everybody in the art department is eager, excited, very worried, and has absolutely no idea what they are meant to be doing, so I guess it’s like all art departments the world over. After a truely baneful summer, even with the fresher lurgey, I am so happy that it’s school time again. People! Work! Distractions! Going out! Aaaaah, bliss.

Of course, I’m a pretty crappy dedicant. I’m sure it’s like this for witches/wiccans and the unidentified pagan everywhere. We have all these wishes about how we would like to be, and we find we never get round to doing it. (except for those freaks who actually do get stuff done. We dont talk to those people. ) I dedicated at midsummer, my favourite time, along with all these plans about how I was going to be an awesome faeriewitch, but, spiritual doubt and procrastination snuck in there somewhere. I am rationalising it away by saying that this summer has seen a massive emotional upheaval in my life, and life change is also spiritual change, yada yada yada. Also, times of crisis I find get you questioning spirituality, or at least your ego gets you cringing away from it. You tell yourself that you dont need something as pithy as religeon to get yourself through this, you need to wallow because the pain deserves the attention. This probably also comes from my upbringing as an atheist, where god never got a mention, so my automatic reflex is to deal with stuff alone. I believe in god, but I find it hard to believe that I believe in god. The athiest convert paradox.

Something that Ly de Angeles said has been playing on my mind of late. After initiates go through an initiation, all hell tends to break loose for a while in their life. I remeber hearing all the warnings about initiations and the life changes that follow, and I always stayed away from them as i was always afraid that i would loose The Guy. Well, I did loose The Guy. But i am surviving that and i know that it’s for the best. Anyway, now I can nod sagely when other people get their heart broken in that “I’ve-been-there” way.

How about a plegde to be less crappy? In a weeks time, I will come back and list all the witchy things I did, prove to myself that I got the power, and there will be at least 7 of them.

And, no, drinking herbal tea will not count.

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