Leading on from my It’s Ok post, I always thought I wanted to be a Priestess. Not in a public preistessy way, as an undercover priestess. I knew Goddess was super important and she’s always been around in my life for the past decade, sometimes without me seeing a point in having her around, sometimes liking having her around, sometimes feeling bad about having her around.  Anything to do with priestessing, and I was on it like a rash. I love the word – clear minded, happy, connected with goddess, doing important work. Even though I have a bit of a funny relationship with spirituality, it’s one of those things that really has never gone away so I think it will probably stay. I want to have a close relationship with god, though for the life of me I couldn’t tell you why. Mmmm Priestess.

Like many other people, I prefer guidance and guidelines to figuring it all out alone. Maybe it’s the school mindset. So with Kathy Jones’ book Priestess of Avalon, I was hooked, because here was a priestessing guide! Hooray! But being a priestess seems to involve a whole lot of stuff that I don’t seem to get round to making time for, like planing big ceremonies, praying every day, explaining it all to my housemate/SuperMan (my boyfriend), going for walks when its really cold, writing poetry and worshipping. Maybe I just don’t want it enough, and this could be true. I am often conflicted because, as much as I want to be a priestess, there are other things I want to do more, for example, be a world class dancer/paint stuff with lots of gold in it/hang out with SuperMan. I’m not very good at time management (…yet! watch out!) and I do seem to spend a lot of my free time either doing dance practice, hoovering, or sitting in a bath. I have been of the opinion that either you are A Priestess By Definition Of Your Life’s Work As It’s All About The Priestess or, simply, you are not. All or nothing baby.

As I said, I don’t want to be a Priestess that badly.

A while ago, I performed a ritual by the Incredible Francesca de Grandis called Eagle Birth, which helps you see when you are chasing up the wrong tree. She said it can be a really hard ritual to come to terms with. Of course, my tree was Priestess of Avalon course, and according to the ritual, dude, I was not meant to be in it.

Say Wha??!!! I was so convinced that Priestess of Avalon was My Thing, I loved the book, I wanted to do it so bad and the thought of becoming a Priestess of Avalon had been running in my mind for years. What you playing at, ritual!

This really confused me at the time, but months later, I think I am finally beginning to listen. I am beginning to face up to the fact that it’s probably NEVER going to work that way alone. Dude, does that suck.

I was so sure!

Facing up to crap truths is rubbish. But it stops you chasing your tail and gets you thinking how you can make your life better.

This dog is called Bogie. I think he is gorgeous.