This weekend I packed my little suitcase and adventured over to Glastonbury for a little taster of the Glastonbury Goddess Conference.
I booked a workshop with grandmother witch extrordinaire Z Budapest a few weeks ago and I was super looking forward to it. I have always wanted to go to the Goddess Conference, and here was my chance to go, albeit in super bite-size format.
And, I didn’t like it.
Let me tell you my story.
I have been in love with the idea of the Glastonbury Goddess Conference for years, I have always wanted to go. I love the idea of priestess training, I love the idea of workshops and formal ceremonies about Goddess and Goddess Spirituality. And man do I think Z Budapest is awesome.
I’ve tried creating and joining pagan groups and getting to know pagan people, but usually I feel like the odd one out and like I just don’t fit in (the weirdo in a bunch of weirdos, I know). Talking about pagany stuff has always been quite difficult for me as I tend to keep my feelings close to my chest, and other than witchy pen-pals I’ve only ever really had one proper real-life witch friend who I can discuss stuff with without feeling uncomfortable.
I’ve never done goddessy group rituals before this weekend, and I discovered that I wasn’t a fan. I felt stupid dancing around a room chanting trying to connect with die-hard goddess women 15-20 years older than me, really stupid and self concious. Now dude, I am a dancer, I flipping love dancing. I have done intense trance dance workshops before and found them INCREDIBLE, but this wasn’t like that at all. I didn’t like listening to flowery words being spoken by everyone to bless stuff with, it’s a bit too much like a cross between my old foe poetry and eavesdropping on someone’s inside thoughts, and it worries me. I can’t handle it.
Talking to the people I did ritual with in the breaks I just felt really out of place, especially when the oh-you-belly-dance-doesn’t-it-just-connect-you-to-goddess-how-wonderful question got asked. Ah, that old chestnut, the bane of my goddessy life. For the record, no, it doesn’t, and it’s perfectly fine for me and everyone else who doesn’t to feel that way.
Really, I can’t explain it. But I didn’t feel like me, and I didn’t feel free and relaxed.
The actual workshop was, I am sad to say, dissapointing. Firstly, I couldn’t find it – the room had been changed without me being told. I have the utmost respect for Z Budapest, she is lovely and she has done incredible things for goddess spirituality, but I didn’t get what I thought I would out of the workshop. I thought it would be a day of rituals and circling, with lots of stuff about Sedna, goddess of the sea, which I was muchos keen on, as the blurb about it said. I thought it would be deeply inspiring and motivate me to more witchy stuff. But, nope. Mostly, it was bits of talking, with bits of singing and chanting, and bits of humming, and a hugely long lunch break. There were some interesting bits of talking, and the humming and singing was fun, but it really was not what I was looking for or what I expected at all.
So really, it was a five-six hour workshop brought down to a 3-4 hour workshop, in which it seems very little happened. How pants is that?
It was not a total loss however.
I think I have finally figured out that I am a solitary goddess lady, not a group spirituality person. (When I shared this with Superman, he said “Well, I could have told you that!” Doh!).
And I think I am now OK with that. I’ve always felt that I should be part of some kind of goddess community if I was a “proper” spiritual person, or that I should be going out and making friends and doing women’s circles and stuff, and because I don’t it means I am missing out on something important, and that I am not a proper or valid goddessist in some way. But if spirituality is all about nourishing your spirit and finding a way to feed the spiritual need in a way that makes you feel good and connected, then surely it doesn’t matter how you go about it, as long as you are a happy bean.
However, at least now I know that I do not have to save up to go to next year’s full Conference, like I was planning, and I can spend the money on something else. Like a Grecian holiday with Superman, or a San Fransisco belly dance adventure!