I have noticed a huge change in myself in the last week.
I haven’t called myself a Witch in a long time. I’ve been interested in priestessery and Goddess Spirituality, but I didn’t feel much like a witch. I think it’s partly because in my brain being a Witch means Action, and I haven’t been very spiritually or craftily active. I am firmly of the mind that a Pagan Believes Stuff, and a Witch Does Stuff. And maybe also that being a Witch isn’t as good as being a Priestess.
Woah! Let me break down that little nugget for you.
I’ve been reading about modern priestess traditions revolving around Avalon in the last few years, as I really do love spirituality and God and want a close connection with Her. I would love to be the kind of person who recieves guidance and advice from Goddess regularly, who will happily put my faith in Her and celebrate Her, feel Her with me all the time. No denying it – that would be awesome. In my brain, the best way to God, the way in which you are not using Her and you are giving Her the fullest respect, is by being her priestess, by totally committing yourself to her, big rituals, hard-core Her-focused daily commitment, and nothing much else. And if you are not prepared to do that, then well, obviously you are not worthy or good enough for Her.
Er, holdover from the establishment much?! “Yes, you too can be loved by God, but only if you renounce everything else, spend all your time praying and just, ahem, give us all your worldly possessions.”
Frankly, I am never going to be that person. While I love and enjoy spirituality, my life’s work is not going to be in the spiritual traditions – it’s gonna be in the arts, baby, in dance and paint. I have too many other passions.
Doing a project of witchery, learning stuff by being kind to myself and without letting myself get stressed or feel not-good enough has opened me up to the idea of being a Witch as a powerful thing, on par with being a religious Priestess. I feel empowered as I go about my day, knowing that I am a Witch and that I am doing Witchy things every day (a Witch Does Stuff!) and it makes me feel really good. Knowing I am working at being a Witch makes me feel really good. Being kinder to myself in my witch life is spilling out into my regular life: I’m trying to accept stuff and see the gold in the challenge rather than taking the slippery slope of dwelling on bad stuff and neurotically worrying about it.
I feel like it’s upping my self worth rather than wearing it down, which is sadly what a lot of the Priestess stuff felt like. I know it’s OK to be an independent practitioner, and it makes a world of difference.