Let me tell you a once-upon-a-time story.
Once upon a time, after a big break up, I started a new journal. I decided, in this journal, I was going to be brutally, totally honest with myself about what I was feeling and thinking and I wouldn’t censor anything out. So if I felt like Shitwoman, I’d write about that. If I was annoyed at someone I loved, I’d write about that and not pretend everything was rosyperfect. If I was ashamed of something I’d done, I’d get it out there on paper and see it in front of me and DEAL with it.
It was so fantastically healthy for me. Uncover shame! Deal with guilt! Be pissed! Hurrah!
And then I finished that journal, met Superman, and after starting a new journal spent most of it gushing about how awesome Superman was and getting annoyed that I didn’t have anything else to write about except ohmigodsupermanissodreamy. Blech. I did not want to be that person.
So I stopped regularly journalling. Gushy honesty was just too much for me, even though the whole point in the first place was honesty no matter what. Um.
This whole honesty thing is really important for healthy everything. I really admire bloggers like Goddess Leonie who have a complete transparency policy on what they write. So I’m gonna bring the honesty policy right here right now.
I know I am a witch and everything, and I love Halloween and I blog about witchyness and goddessness and spirituality whenever I can, but
I did nothing particularly witchy for halloween.
Do you know what I did instead?
After a big awesome Halloween party (where I dressed up as a voudou shaman, woohoo!) I got Superman’s cold, and have spent the week with a face full of snot feeling sorry for myself. On Samhain night I watched South Park, carved my pumpkin (into a mermaid! Woohoo!) and went to bed early after teaching and working all day.
All week, I have been working, being poorly, preparing for a gig and sewing. This week, I specifically have not been very witchy at all.
Part of my thing is about self love, so I am trying to not beat myself up about this. But my thing is that I am exceptional at missing sabbat celebrations. So so good. Buddhabear and I have a practice we use a lot in our life. It goes like this:
This is too important to do right now. I will do it later.
I didn’t say it was a smart practice.
It’s also my sabbat prep mantra. It’s ridiculous. Unless I have a sabbat ritual properly planned from to top to bottom, it won’t happen, because it’s too important to do without prep, and it’s too important to do right now when the moment is not important enough.
So I am going to go away now and plan a late Samhain ritual dammit. I’m not going to let this festival run away from me.