A thing that keeps cropping up in my spiritual work at the moment is the advice “Believe in magic. Believe in miracles.”
When I was younger I had absolute total belief in spells – I’d had a lot of good experiences with them and good results, and at that time I hadn’t stopped to over-analyse what’s going on, or develop any major self confidence issues.
I remember there was a job spell I cast when I was in a crappy situation in life, and I really needed a job, that super did not work. I was living in my university town over the summer months with my rubbish boyfriend (who didn’t want to go home for the summer, and being that my parents were in the middle of separating I wasn’t so keen either) and I super needed an income. I was also learning more about living priestessfully and by the grace of the Goddess at this time, and read about traditions where spellcasting was considered foolish and usurping the Goddess’ power. And since then I haven’t really believed in spells.
I reckon I over-think the mechanics of spellcasting, and pay more attention to what the “real world” thinks than what makes sense to my inner world. I have a tendency to believe the nonsense that the insecure voices in my head tell me (the ones that go “ooh you are not good enough, this is silly, who am I to make a difference? No-one will take you seriously, religion is stupid and only what we see is real) and they like to tell me I am not witchy enough to cast spells.
The big bummer is that I really believe that the world works on belief backed up with action, so if I don’t believe spells work then they probably won’t.
The thing is, I know lots of other witches who use spells and rituals successfully in my life, and once upon a time, I did too. My way of putting more witchiness in my life at the moment is an obsession with clearing and decluttering with intent; cleaning windows with the intent of seeing clearly, cleaning hallways so great things have space to enter my life, cleaning the kitchen because dirty kitchens are gross and, as ever, the faeries like clean. Little tiddly amounts of reintroducing the idea of spells and influence over events and my surroundings.
Hopefully that will bring back the magic.